There are times such as this when I have writers block. When I have so many things to say but I can’t fathom the words to say them. My creativeness stifled by deadlines and work, so I look back to my old posts. The posts which have been lost at the bottom of the pile and I write.
From this adventure through my past, I found a letter I had written to myself in 2012. It was addressed to my 20 year old self and now that I am 21 I can think of no better time to send a reply.
Dear 17 year old Anna,
I want to answer your queries with ‘yes’ and ‘no’ but such answers are unsatisfactory. They do not justify the naivety of your wishes and regard them as irrelevant to my life today. But as you now know, they are not.
As I reflect on your first and second wish, I realise that my love of writing blossomed when I least expected. Until now I thought the enthusiasm I feel for journalism and writing started at university but it didn’t. It started with you. It started when you were so lost that the only thing you felt you could turn to were words and the strangers that hid themselves behind computer screens. And I thank-you for that.
It’s funny how four years later and this blog has gone from a post a month to a post weekly so yes, you’ve started to take writing seriously. You still question whether you are good enough but you persist anyway. You stay determined to your goal of creating even though you are still unsure where it will take you.
Your third wish as you know was harder to achieve. You chose Glasgow over Zoology, your interest and talent was knocked down and you never recovered from it. It affected the decisions you made in terms of subject choice but I can’t say I blame you. I study History of Art and Philosophy. A strange mix but they have more in common than people realise. It’s hard work but you love it, especially Art History.
I call Glasgow ‘home’ everyday and would never compromise it for anything.
I would love to tell you I don’t obsess over work, but I do. You still have your studious streak I’m afraid and I doubt that will ever change. I try not to obsess over grades and tell myself that I’ve done enough. I suppose self-doubt always came easily to you and it’s hard to combat, but I try.
I try to grasp more opportunities than I used to. Mainly those that advance my career or skills. I’m slowly building on the pledge to expand myself socially. I suppose I’ll make that an aspiration for my graduating self to complete.
But for now, I can tell you that you have done okay. So do not worry.
Forever and always,